Election results *yawn*

The Good:


Not our premier.
I think his face really is more of a 'visage'. I'm getting a pretty strong Guy Fawkes Mask vibe here.

Those Family First ads dissing The Greens.

If you haven't seem them, here is the overall message:
"The Greens are raaadical! EXTREME! Crraaaazzzyy! Vote Family First!"

Because I'm just not sure how big the pool of 'I can't decide whether to vote Greens or Family First' voters are. I feel sorry for these people, and what their internal decision-making processes must have been like before they were saved by those ads.



"Do I hate gay people for destroying the family unit, or do I feel pretty positive towards them and want them to enjoy the same legal benefits heterosexual couples have?"

"Am I pretty much against abortion except in cases of rape and incest, or am I really into a woman's right to choose?"

etc.

The Bad:


Ridiculously long and boring concession speeches.

*Applause as if speech has ended*
"... And I'd ALSO like to thank..."

Embarrassing denial.
Re: the Liberals' unwillingness to concede that they have a few things to work on.

Not very important in the grand scheme of things!
I'm a big picture kind of person. I must admit to being more interested and involved in the outcome of the US mid-term elections. A nail-biter is always entertaining. A nail-biter this election was not.

No touch operated plasma screens in garish red white and blue.
Compared to CNNs multi-million dollar sets and graphical interfaces ABC coverage seems kind of visually lacklustre. I do like that they are really into showing the swing of votes in a seat. They don't seem to give a rats arse about swing in the US, which is wierd.

The Greens probably not winning any seats, not improving their overall vote.
I think this is probably due to the mainstreaming of global warming concern and water conservation. Before, the Greens were really the only party that gave a crap about the environment. Now the major parties are all in a rush to trade in their BMWs for combi vans.

But I read this in The Age and thought it was a bit harsh:

The real question now is just how influential will the Greens be in next year's federal election?

They were a flop in 2004, they were a flop yesterday and all indications are that the Greens will flop again at the 2006 federal election.

Around one-in-twenty people voted for Family First.
Which means one-in-twenty people think the Liberals aren't conservative enough.

HOW TO: Spice up your job as a sales assistant pt. 1

When counting the money in the register, pretend it is actually a cash bonus for you. This will make counting other peoples' money more satisfying and life-affirming.

Think about different ways you could secretly steal money/products while on the job.

Actually steal money/products.

Whistle along to every song on the radio (if no radio just perform whistled renditions of current hits from memory). After a few weeks your whistling abilities will be top notch. You will probably get fired for annoying everyone. That is OK. Leave your job in retail and take up a career in delightful whistling.

Perform important sociological experiments. If you are a guy, act really camp. Do customers change the way they treat you? Keep a journal of your findings. If you're a girl you could try pretending to be permanently cross-eyed and keep a journal of that too.

If you are a barista make loveheart shapes in the froth of all the lattes you make. Later, wink and smile at the customers the lattes have been sent to. Guaranteed results! No guarantee on whether results will be good or bad.

Serve new customers in a variety of international accents. Start simple, with English or American, before moving on to more difficult accents like South African or Canadian. Really work on making that Canadian accent distinct from your American one! If you are good customers may ask questions about your imaginary home. This provides scope for entertaining improv.

If your accent is bad there is a chance customers will feel you are mocking them or being rude. This risk is easily addressed. Don't wear your nametag and if customers ask for your name, give them a fake one suited to your new national identity. That way if they call up and make a complaint it will be against "that Russian guy that works at your store. Vassili." etc.

MySpace Tricks!!1*

Instructions:
1. Post a 'New Blog', then name it something really sensational and/or mysterious. For example:

'I am thinking about killing myself.'

'I may have been raped'

'Here is a list of friends I only pretend to like'

'I am not who I claim to be.'

'The guilt is driving me crazy...'

2. Set it to 'Private', so when people click on the link (their mouse-hand will be shaking with trepidation and excitement) it will just come up with a red error message saying 'This blog post has been set to private and only the author can see it'.

I guarantee** people will click it everytime they visit your MySpace to see if it has been made public. You may get panicked text messages/comments also.

I am basing this off personal experience.

Do it, and see for yourself! Your friends will love you for it.

* If you don't have a MySpace this is probably a reason to start one.

** A guarantee stamped in my own blood, in an Old West 'Wanted Poster' typeset in order to evoke imagery of that time and its steadfast guarantees.

Children/innocent old people/naive Christian teens who listen to the radio

... are no doubt confused by all those thinly veiled ads hawking 'nasal-delivery' cures for guys who don't last very long in bed.

*sultry voice*: "Are you arriving too early in the bedroom? Stop making excuses!"

Aforementioned children/innocent old people/naive Christian teens no doubt wonder how a nasal-delivery spray could cure the problem...

THURSDAY, 3:15 p.m.



"Dammit honey, where are you?"

MEANWHILE...



"Sorry Deb, I'd come to lunch with you but I'm talking to the Prime Minister on MSN. Or, as I like to say, talking to the PM on IM. I'm going to berate him with a steady stream of disappointed smileys and 'Nudges' until he signs Kyoto."

FRIDAY, 9:46 a.m.



"I'm sure she said quarter-to-ten...?"

MEANWHILE...



"Well, let me tell you, the only thing that my husband gets up for in the night... is to go to the bathroom! Get it? The only thing he gets UP for in the night, is to have a slash!"

SATURDAY, 11:05 a.m.



"I'm certain Dorothy said we could have some 'private time' while the kids were at Soccer..."

MEANWHILE...



"Remember kids, if anyone asks this SUV is not mine, OK? I might be a mom who takes her kids to play soccer, but I will not be one of those 'Soccer Moms'."

SUNDAY (REST)

MONDAY, 3:25 p.m.



"Mm, I guess I'm a bit early, but I can wait. I should err, cut my toenails or something. I hope she didn't say Tuesday. God, I'm gonna feel like such an idiot if she said Tuesday..."

MEANWHILE...



Man: "Hey lady, there's a snake on this plane."

Flight-Attendant/Wife: "Is this the part when I ask 'Where?' and you say 'In my pants', sir? Because if I hear that fucking joke one more time I'm going to upturn this pot of coffee and colourful meal right into someone's lap, capiche?"



"I think I'm just going to go home, make myself a nice cup of tea." *twiddles thumbs* "Yeah. I could really go some tea right now."

Yay

This is the blog to destroy all my boredom woes.

Or is it?

*Ominous music*

*Flutter of bats*

I Support Gay Mariachi